I’m the biggest idiot!

I'm the biggest idiot!

Ok, so it’s the middle of the work day and normally I wouldn’t log in and write a post midday but short of crying my eyes out and pulling out my hair, this was the only good solution I could think of to vent my frustrations!

It all started a couple of months ago at work. I was put on this project where I was working with another team in our company and one of the guys on the team is this guy that I had seen on the elevator here and there but never really knew who he was or what group he worked in or anything. Anyways, so I finally met him a few months ago when we started working on this project together. Things were going really well – we went for lunch a few times (just as friends, but still it’s something) and we’d kinda flirt with each other here and there (not around other people, but sometimes we’d work late and stuff or whenever we went for lunch together). So I’m thinking things are going well and we start chatting about life and other stuff (not just work). We would talk about everything – family, friends, work, all of it. So, of course, I’m thinking there’s something here – I even asked one of my friends (who is more unbiased about these things) and she’s like – yeah, totally. He seems really into you. All the signs were there.

So today I thought, I’m getting tired of waiting for him to ask me out for drinks or something more than just work stuff and so I asked him what his plans were for the evening. Big mistake. He starts telling me about this girl he’s been talking to and how he really likes her but he’s not sure if she likes him or not. Part of me was thinking this has to be some kind of joke. Seriously? I thought for a second maybe this was his way of letting me know he likes me and he’s not sure if I liked him or not. Wishful thinking. He went on and on about how this girl was really sweet and they’ve known each other for awhile and been good friends but over the past few months he felt there was something more and wasn’t sure if he should say anything. He even had the nerve to say that he felt we’ve gotten close enough to the last little bit for him to open up to me about this as he normally doesn’t talk about this stuff to anyone. Really? Are you kidding me? The desi-dating gods are definitely playing some kind of joke on me because I know I wasn’t imaging things here.

After that, I didn’t know what to say. Thank god, my phone rang and I made some excuse about having to run back to work. And here I am now. In front of my stupid computer, typing this stupid letter because I don’t know what else to do. How could I be so stupid? I was sure that there was something there with this guy. But if that’s the case, was he totally oblivious to it all or was he just ignoring it? Or was I just a good waste of time for him and someone to have lunch with at work? Why do guys do that?? why do they flirt when they have no intention of doing anything at all? I just wish guys could be more transparent. Guys – If you’re not interested, don’t be all flirty and stuff because it really really really hurts us.

I hate this – every time I think I’ve found a guy that could be worth dating, something happens. Looks like it’ll be another summer alone for me:-(